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The Freeze Out
Have you ever pulled a freeze out? A freeze out is when you intentionally ignore or avoid someone electronically in order to get them to pay attention to you. It requires an icy exterior, an iron will, and the drive to keep going no matter what. It also doesn’t really work, so it helps to be a little bit stupid, too.
The rules are simple: No texting, no emailing, no messaging, and no Facebooking. Usually performed in the wake of a break up, the middle of a hiatus of some kind, or somewhere inside of a weird amorphous thing that has gone awry along the way, this tactic is not terribly effective because if you’re not getting in touch with someone, it’s impossible to show that you actually want their attention. It’s counter intuitive, and it can sometimes seem like you might be better off trying to psychically will the person to get in touch with you.
“I don’t care about you. In fact, I’m being totally chill just hanging out here on the internet, talking to all sorts of awesome people, and wouldn’t you just LOOOOVE to be one of them?” That’s what you hope the green circle next to your Gchat name will convey. But you’re wrong, because all that it really conveys is, “I’m currently using an online messaging service that is tied to my email account.” It means you’re available to talk online, and the person you’re trying to freeze out is not doing anything with that knowledge. “Wait just a second,” says the unreliable detective that lives in your brain. “Maybe they’re freezing YOU out!” Panic sets in. Never thought of that, did you? Could your nemesis be as sinister as you? If so, you’re left with one option: get the fuck out of Dodge, cowboy. Sign off!
It seems as though the best a freeze out can do is earn you a “hey, what’s up? It’s been a LONG time!” However, the worst it can do is get you a one way ticket to a DOUBLE freeze out, resulting in months of uncommunicative silence. Is it really worth the gamble? Is it really worth the uncertainty? You’re playing with emotional gunpowder, and a poorly timed explosion could earn you a trip to the Mac store with a coffee mug stuck angrily into your laptop.
So, the moral of the story is this: If you find yourself sitting in front of your computer late at night, slightly drunk (or even worse, completely sober), and you’re contemplating sending an ill advised instant message to break the long silence, DON’T. Just do what normal people do: sign off and go look at 400 of someone’s Facebook pictures. True, it’s less active, and, true, you’re putting a stop to the sexy game of internet cat and mouse you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re in the middle of. Think of it this way: It’s infinitely less sad than playing e-chicken with someone who probably doesn’t care enough to get out of the way.
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This is a surefire sign that I “like” someone. I’ll always chat with them on GTalk. Then, I worry that I’m saying too much, so I go through a day or two without saying anything. Chances are, they’ll usually IM me. If they don’t, then I IM them with a ‘question’ about something. You know; like I’m not IMing them because they’re my friend, but simply to get an answer about a homework or game thing. “Professionalism”…maybe.
However, sometimes “Freeze Outs” enter such epic proportions on both ends, that you can’t even IM them when you actually do have a “professional” question to ask them.
FAIL.
