“I will never touch liquor again” is NEVER true"(via thingsilearntincollege)
The Freeze Out
Have you ever pulled a freeze out? A freeze out is when you intentionally ignore or avoid someone electronically in order to get them to pay attention to you. It requires an icy exterior, an iron will, and the drive to keep going no matter what. It also doesn’t really work, so it helps to be a little bit stupid, too.
The rules are simple: No texting, no emailing, no messaging, and no Facebooking. Usually performed in the wake of a break up, the middle of a hiatus of some kind, or somewhere inside of a weird amorphous thing that has gone awry along the way, this tactic is not terribly effective because if you’re not getting in touch with someone, it’s impossible to show that you actually want their attention. It’s counter intuitive, and it can sometimes seem like you might be better off trying to psychically will the person to get in touch with you.
“I don’t care about you. In fact, I’m being totally chill just hanging out here on the internet, talking to all sorts of awesome people, and wouldn’t you just LOOOOVE to be one of them?” That’s what you hope the green circle next to your Gchat name will convey. But you’re wrong, because all that it really conveys is, “I’m currently using an online messaging service that is tied to my email account.” It means you’re available to talk online, and the person you’re trying to freeze out is not doing anything with that knowledge. “Wait just a second,” says the unreliable detective that lives in your brain. “Maybe they’re freezing YOU out!” Panic sets in. Never thought of that, did you? Could your nemesis be as sinister as you? If so, you’re left with one option: get the fuck out of Dodge, cowboy. Sign off!
It seems as though the best a freeze out can do is earn you a “hey, what’s up? It’s been a LONG time!” However, the worst it can do is get you a one way ticket to a DOUBLE freeze out, resulting in months of uncommunicative silence. Is it really worth the gamble? Is it really worth the uncertainty? You’re playing with emotional gunpowder, and a poorly timed explosion could earn you a trip to the Mac store with a coffee mug stuck angrily into your laptop.
So, the moral of the story is this: If you find yourself sitting in front of your computer late at night, slightly drunk (or even worse, completely sober), and you’re contemplating sending an ill advised instant message to break the long silence, DON’T. Just do what normal people do: sign off and go look at 400 of someone’s Facebook pictures. True, it’s less active, and, true, you’re putting a stop to the sexy game of internet cat and mouse you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re in the middle of. Think of it this way: It’s infinitely less sad than playing e-chicken with someone who probably doesn’t care enough to get out of the way.
This is a surefire sign that I “like” someone. I’ll always chat with them on GTalk. Then, I worry that I’m saying too much, so I go through a day or two without saying anything. Chances are, they’ll usually IM me. If they don’t, then I IM them with a ‘question’ about something. You know; like I’m not IMing them because they’re my friend, but simply to get an answer about a homework or game thing. “Professionalism”…maybe.
However, sometimes “Freeze Outs” enter such epic proportions on both ends, that you can’t even IM them when you actually do have a “professional” question to ask them.
It’s Complicated (The Facebook Status, Not The Movie)
Some people are in relationships that contain a fair amount of gray area. They fight, they break up, they make up, they get back together, only to repeat the exact sequence a week later. They’re confused, they’re clouded by hormones and emotions, and of course, hormotions, which are hormonal emotions.
These couples argue loudly at gatherings, speak in muted, hushed tones to each other at dinner parties, get into screaming matches on the front porch, throw wine glasses at each other, and eventually end up boning in an upstairs bathroom. These relationships are anything but easy, far from normal, and fairly hard to succinctly explain.
Relationships like this are sprawling, unending, and often baffling, like a mobius strip. Those who are in them are often times not exceptionally happy, at least not all the time. They’re frustrated and often unsatisfied, albeit between bouts of makeup sex-related elation.
However, temporary happiness aside, do these couples really want to broadcast that information to the world? I know it’s ridiculous to even talk about Facebook like it’s in any way a reflection of real life, but some people generally DO try to represent their true selves online. I mostly see people use the “It’s Complicated” relationship status as a joke. It’s Complicated with their bffff(f), It’s Complicated with their roommate, gay best friend, etc. I even know someone who went to the trouble of setting up a second account so his status read “It’s Complicated With My Hands,” and clicking on “My Hands” linked to a profile of his hands. That’s… dedication?
For those looking to let people on the internet know how great they are, there are many ways to display your accomplishments and impeccable taste on your Facebook profile. Look at me! I’ve read Infinite Jest, and it’s one of my FAVORITE books! I volunteer at FOUR soup kitchens! I only like PRE-Transatlanticism Death Cab! I can copy and paste poetry into the quote section! I work at Red Lobster! So, with all these other chances to brag, what’s the need to describe the details of your weird relationship? I can’t think of any reason someone would want to take the words “It’s Complicated” to announce:
“Hey, I’m sort of seeing someone but I cheated on her and then begged her to take me back and she did but now we’re not technically saying we’re ‘together’ it’s just this in between phase because she says she can’t really trust me anymore but maybe it’ll work out if I can keep my dick in my pants long enough.”
Ladies, where’s the allure in intimating:
“So, I was dating this great guy and then I went to Europe to sort of find myself and backpack and do shrooms and one day I fell off my road bike in Rotterdam, and this really great guy came running out of a coffee shop and he cleaned off my knee and bandaged it and took me inside and bought me a muffin and I was so grateful (and also high) that I ended up giving him a hummer in the backroom and now my boyfriend is all ‘well if you love Werner so much maybe you should stay in Europe and now I’m all AHHH what if I SHOULD stay here?”
Maybe it’s a willingness to overshare with anyone and everyone who might Google you, but I’m pretty sure it’s just their way of saying “yeah, I might not have a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ PER SE, but at least I’m getting laid.”
Seriously, the only time that I put this was ironically. Then, when the guy I was supposed to be “complicated” with ACTUALLY became “complicated” with this horse-loving wannabe country girl, (I say ‘wannabe’ because she’s from Seattle, not Nashville) that he met at bartending school; I realize just how lame he actually was. It wasn’t even ironic. For shame!
Brian spells color with a u and expects you to do the same.
…I HAD to reblog this because I have done that for years.
The other night, I stopped right in the middle of hooking up with this amazingly hot and awesome guy because I got freaked out by how he said he’d like to be more than just hook-up buddies.
That caused me to realize that I’m actually physically turned-off by men who return my affection.
This is why I’m single.